


An Uncertain Way

by TommysIdiosyncrasy



Series: The Mind's Silence [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blind Character, Blindness, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Memory Loss, Post Season 3 but before Season 4, Protective Arthur, Protective Knights of the Round Table, Self-Indulgent, Someone stop me, this series is like pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-09 03:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TommysIdiosyncrasy/pseuds/TommysIdiosyncrasy
Summary: Arthur and the Knights are at a loss when they find their favorite idiot blind and unable remember any of them





	An Uncertain Way

Waking up in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people is terrifying enough but waking up without the ability to see makes it all the more worse. 

"I c-can't see!" he cried, bringing his arms up to his head to shield himself. He was at the mercy of whoever was with him. There had been the thump of someone landing next to him, the man who'd spoken earlier and it seemed that there were maybe two other's that he could hear talking. Fear was pumping through him as he scooted farther back to press against the wall. When he had woken, the snap of the stick startling him awake, he had no idea where he was or even who he was. Details slipped away swiftly, leaving him grasping at nothing and feeling empty. He couldn't see, he was having trouble  _breathing_. 

"Merlin...what happened to you?" Jumping slightly, he twisted his head to peer at where the voice had come from. It was instinct really, he couldn't help the way his eyes darted around. He was praying that maybe the room was just dark and his eyes would adjust, but the darkness remained and there was no change. A large hand landed on his shoulder and he jerked away, a scared scream leaving him. The touch disappeared almost immediately, slipping into the nothing surrounding him. 

"Alright!" The first man said. "I get it; No touching." Licking his chapped lips, he curled away from any offending persons. He felt like he was missing something or someone, it's origin or importance were unknown, but he couldn't help but miss it. There was a gaping hole in his mind that he was trying to inch closer and closer to without plunging head-first into the abyss. He pressed his back against the wall behind him, the only thing he was certain of currently. He didn't truly know how many men were there or if they meant him any harm. "Merlin," He said it again! That name, obviously someone who means something to these guys. "Are you hurt?" 

"I-I don't know who th-that is!" he wailed, feeling confused and pathetic. He could hear voices quietly murmuring in the background, none sounding familiar. Not that he was expecting them to at this point. 

"It's  _you_." The man said, sounding slightly hoarse. "C'mon Merlin, don't tell me you've tripped and hit your head to make you forget." Swallowing, he peered up at where he thought the other was at. 

"I don't know if that's me." he murmured, sounding weak. "I don't know who you are either." 

Silence fell over the group.

Fearing he'd done something wrong, he continued to lay there in his protective fetal position. He squeezed his eyes shut despite the fact it made no difference, he could feel tears beginning to rise against his will. He hoped that whatever these men would do, they'd do it quick. The silence was making his skin crawl with anxiety and his heart pound. These people, whether they friend or foe, could do whatever they wanted with him. They outnumbered him and even if it was one against one, he would still be overpowered. He was truly helpless. 

"That's alright," A new voice said. "We're going to help you. Don't worry, we'll get you to remember." Gnawing on his lower lip, he considered the man's words. It seemed he had no other options, no doubt they'd force him if he refused or maybe just kill him. He knew they wouldn't just let him go, but where would he even go? He really did have no other choice.

  
"Okay." He whispered.

  
The tension in the room physically lessened, his agreement obviously had been the right choice. He could sense that the man who'd been speaking early withdraw from his side and was walking away, the sound of his feet on the dirt giving him a rough estimate to where they all were. Feeling sick and shaky from the whole situation, he laid down on his side and closed his eyes to try and fall back asleep. He didn't know what these men wanted from him, but he decided that the weariness in his bones could be taken care of before the messy details were brought up.

  
So, when he was shaken awake he immediately sat up and shied away. He hated this, the knowledge that he couldn't protect himself or do anything besides reluctantly place himself in these men's care.

  
"We made something to eat," A voice murmured softly, he recognized it from the man who'd touched him earlier. "Are you hungry?" Throat dry, he swallowed and slowly nodded. "Okay, I'm putting the bowl into your hands now." Reaching out, he felt an object being placed into his open palms.

  
For a minute, he just sat there before even attempting to find a utensil. It was sitting among the contents of the bowl, floating along in what smelled like soup. With shaky fingers, he started to eat, ignoring the thoughts of how easy it'd be to poison him. He ended up spilling more than what actually into his mouth.

  
"Do you need help?" He jumped, sloshing more of the hot liquid into his lap. "Sorry." Letting his head hang, he just gave a soft shrug. This man was the one that had asked what had happened to him, calling him that name, 'Merlin'. He wondered why they would call him that, was that him? Where they trying to make him somebody he wasn't? He had no way of knowing. Gentle hands gently encircled his hands and pulled them away. Tears of shame prickled his eyes as embarrassment caused him to flush, the bowl being removed and a spoonful of food being hand fed to him by this man.

  
He wanted to curl into himself and disappear just like his memories. He wanted to just be gone, what was the point in continuing if there was nothing in his head tying him to this place? Something told him these guys would not allow him to run away. Gripping the fabric of his trousers to stop his hands from trembling, he accepted another mouthful. He was grateful that no one had mentioned or mocked his current situation, a grim mood settling over their company.

  
Once finished, he brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. The night was creeping on them and the only reason he knew the sun was setting was because of the sound of crickets taking up the call of the dying day. The temperature dropped and as the clinking of the men started to quiet, he was able to even hear a few frogs croaking. He assumed the clinking and tinny noises the men made was from some kind of armor, the idea of trespassing on some monarch's land and being captured by their guards under the false guise of friendship kept him from truly relaxing. He could hear a fire being made and swords being unbuckled from their belts, the tone striking a chord in his head. Frowning, he desperately clutched at the familiarity from that sound, but it slipped away like water from his fingers.

  
Soon, he teeth were chattering while he tried rubbing some heat into his arms. The fire hadn't gotten hot enough to fill the room or, judging from the noises, maybe they were in some sort of cave? Things did seem to oddly echo...

  
Stifling a frustrated sob, he rested his forehead against his knees. He had no idea where he truly was. He had no idea about _anything_.

  
"Mer-uh..." He lifted his head. "A-are you cold? The fire's over here. Do you need help getting over here?" He knew that he was going to be called that name again. Shrugging, he tilted his head away. The most frustrating thing was probably that he could just hate them. They were kind, they fed him and gave him space. They spoke softly and treated him like he was some fragile thing they feared would break. They were aggressive or hostile, giving him no right to run away or resent them for keeping him there.

  
He listened as someone shuffled closer. "Are you sure? Here..." I flinched when a hand held my elbow and tugged upwards. He silently rose and allowed them to pull him over to the source of the crackling warmth. Sighing, he sunk down to his knees and let the blanket of heat fight off the night's chill.

  
The person moved away and once again he was limited in his knowledge of his situation, only the ground beneath him and the fire popping a foot from his fingers were certain.

  
The next thing he knew, he was laying on his side with something soft placed on top of him. Subconsciously, he rubbed his face into it and blearily opened his eyes. With a painful jolt, he realized there was no change and once again he was faced with that terror of looking without seeing.

  
Running his fingers over the soft thing to distract himself, he tried to guess what it was. It was some sort of fabric, silkier than anything he was currently wearing. Bringing it to his nose, he sniffed, and it smelled of sweat, metal and the undertone of someone's unique fragrance. He had always been conscious of the fact that other people all had their own scent, he often found himself inhaling deeply whenever embraced.

  
His eyes, which had previously closed, snapped out. There it was! Those thoughts that brought things to the surface that were so close to memories he could taste it before they flew away and left him feeling miserable and twice as empty.

  
He could picture wrapping his arms around a figure that was just shorter than him, their body pressing to his and the warmth they radiated but no features would appear.

  
"You looked cold, so I gave you my cloak." Startled, his head automatically tilted upwards to where he'd heard them speak. This voice was starting to be easier to differentiate from the others, not as deep as one of the other's or as smooth as another's. Swallowing, he didn't respond. "I thought-erm- _we_ thought it'd be best to talk to you today." He cleared his throat. "About, you know..."

  
Nodding, he stood and let the garment slide off him. Feeling around, he grabbed some of it and stood before holding it out in front of him. He hoped he wasn't too far off from where the man was actually standing.

  
Sitting in a circle (or that's what he assumed), he listened as they began to speak.

  
"So, um...how much do you remember?" Someone said.

  
"Remember what?" He replied bitterly. "Anything of my life? Nothing."

  
Tense silence overcame the group before someone cleared their throat and spoke. "I guess we should start at the very basics." It was the guy who'd helped him eat the night before. "My name is Gwaine.”

  
They each spoke their names, their voices finally having names to put to. The man with the smooth voice was Elyan, the one with the deeper one was Percival, Leon was the kind sounding one and the most familiar one was Arthur. He was really starting to hate that word, familiar. The strangest things would make him pause and think, straining to recall something, _anything_ but he couldn't.

  
He couldn't.

  
"And you're Merlin."

  
He assumed Arthur had been the one to speak. That name, the one they'd called him was supposed to be his name? It didn't ring any bells. None of theirs did either.

  
"Merlin." He tried out, let the syllables rest heavily on his tongue.

  
Nothing.

  
Pressing his palms into his eyes, he hunched in on himself. He heard shifting, one of them probably leaned forwards from his unexpected action. Maybe they were afraid of him hurting himself.

  
Maybe he would.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I-I'm not him, whoever he is. I'm just _not_.”

"Yes you are." Arthur said firmly. He pressed the heels of his hands farther into his eye sockets, maybe if he pushed hard enough he'd squeeze out some memories. "You're Merlin and we're going to help you remember that." For some odd reason, a lump formed in his throat, making it difficult to swallow. Despite himself, he found himself letting the tension leak from his body. He had no other choice, right? 

"Okay." he whispered. 

He wasn't able to see the relieved smile spread across Arthur's face, the way his expression softened. He didn't catch the significant look Gwaine gave Percival and the smirk on Elyan's face. Even if he couldn't, there was no denying the fact that he could tell he'd been right to trust them.

"I'm glad." Arthur murmured, the words carrying more weight than they should.

Merlin nodded, accepting their words. He had no idea what he was doing, but that didn't stop him from taking a nosedive into a mess like he always did. 


End file.
